Rough day.

2 AM, I go to bed.
6 AM, I wake up to finish assignment I couldn’t finish at 2 am.
7 AM, prof calls asking for ride.
7:30, prof calls, cancels request for ride realising he is off in time zones and thought he was running late, and has time to walk up hill himself.
8:00 I barely finish my assignment.
8:03 I hop OUT of the shower
8:10, I put on regular shoes.
8:11, I switch and put on the shoes with heels.
8:15 I hop in car to see if prof made it up the hill. Where was my friend Flora I was to drive to school?
8:23, no prof, no Flora, I get to school.
8:24, run to class… er, walk fastly!
8:24, twist ankle in stupid fucking shoes, fall shit faced on my knees, and exclaim an embarassed FUCK and hope no one heard me. Teacher’s don’t fucking swear you know….
8:26, arrive to class, two bruised knees with one a bit scratched and bloody but - it’s okay.
8:30 class starts, no Flora.
8:31, concerned for Flora, she has severe kidney issues and spent the past four months on dialysis.
8:32, locate principal, say concern over Flora (roomie has concern to) and…
8:40, arrive back at res with prof and roomie to see if Flora is alright.
9:10, switch fucking shoes back to normal shoes.
9:20, arrive back at school for class.
9:30, realise today is going to fucking suck from start to finish.
10:20, so fucking tired I can barely keep my eye-lids open.
12:00, finally… lunch! Talk with my fellow pink-indian-brotha’ and miss most of my lunch.
12:15, scarf some stupid Tim Horton’s undercooked bagel down.
12:30 to 4:00, mind sucked into some weird space continiuum of report card writing. Seriously? Those things suck the life and time out of you.
4:30, finally get to leave to go pick up hemmed pants. Bless you hemming lady, for giving me a third pair of pants to wear, bless you, bless you, bless you!
5:30, get to stupid potluck with stupid pizza for people to eat who don’t really show up until 6:30 and the whole potluck lacked festivity. Mexicans who arrived with no food were welcome to the leftovers. See? 400 years later and we’re STILL feeding the foreigners! God Bless us ’cause otherwise, everyone would starve.
6:30, Pink Brotha hasn’t shown up yet for potluck. My pink-man spidey senses sense he’s walking up the mother-ass hill and needs a lift.
6:33, I find a distressed brotha half way up the hill and his first words to me was, “how did you know?” I told him I sensed it. He doesn’t ask!
6:40, arrive back at school, finish dessert and then head back to town to pick up some supplies. Then, get back to school for 8:00 where I proceed to start working on REPORT FREAKIN’ CARDS again… until 10:00ish…
10:25, leave for residence.
10:27, arrive at residence to see people being evacuated. Building on fire? Smoke? Did someone call 9–1-1? Uh, no?
10:30, arrive in lobby of residence, smoke prevalent but it’s okay…
10:31, call residence help to see if they called 9-1-1. What? There’s a fire? Uh, I don’t know what to do…. “Um, maybe we should call 9-1-1?” I suggest, trying to have my least sarcastic voice around.

The times are fuzzy but counsellor comes down from trying to check rooms, we leave, he stays and waits for 9-1-1 (yea, *I* had to fucking call the bastards) and we decide someone should go find campus security. Campus security? Sure i can do that, eaaaaaaasy. I drive back to the school… no campus security. No phone. No freakin’ NOTHING to contact them. I run to the women’s washroom where supposedly a panic button exists which should notify security. NOTHING. I try to call the school. NOTHING. It took six minutes of going through freakin’ voices telling me what departments to go where and what but NO FUCKING SECURITY. Finally, I get ahold of TWO NUMBERS with NO RESPONSE. Fuck it. So I run back to security (no response still to that panic alarm). What the fuck? So, I get to security, STILL no one, STILL no phone or contact number to call, STILL no fucking way to contact them. Finally, I find a small little pamplet on the wall which states where 9 phones are located… however, they aren’t scattered. They are in three identical locations on three floors, above one another. The closest? Was halfway across the fucking school.

Anyways - I want to write more… I can’t. I’m drained. After 25 minutes of fucking searching the school, I never DID find the fucking security guard. I finally found a fucking security phone which dispatches to an ANSWERING SERVICE. “Um,” I ask, “Is there a security guard even on campus?” She replies, “I’m not actually sure…”

Like, what the fuck? Guarantee you, I will be lodging a fucking complaint tomorrow. SO many things wrong with this picture, I tell you…. they have a fucking flu pandemic plan but - what about the plans for residence? Don’t even GET me started on the residence staff and THAT. Holy fuck. My brain is going to burst. Seriously, heads will roll… this is not right. This is NOT right on SO many levels.

I got back to the rez, the fire department deemed it safe and such (smoke was coming in from a fire outdoors) and such but - seriously, the smoke was THICK. And, it’s not even so much what happened tonight… as what could possibly happen in the future. When the rez chick says, “Well, residents aren’t supposed to call the fire department, someone from here does.” Well, where the fuck is your contact info bitch? I called it and the girl was clueless. The other guy called the numbers HE had and they both went to answering machines. Someone is NOT doing their job and I think tonight, at least 5-10 of you weren’t.

Fire department said I did the right thing in calling, and that the fire-alarm SHOULD have been pulled… and, the residence woman? Told me NEVER to pull it unless you see flames.

see fucking flames?

listen you little nitwit, my fucking house was engulfed in flames within the walls for many minutes without us ever sensing the SMOKE. We almost DIED and only by the grace of God, did we all survive! You are telling me that the only time you would pull an alarm is if you see actual physical flames? Like, seriously? There’s false ceilings EVERYWHERE here… your stupid little sensors may not pick up on that…

Jesus H. Christ.

C’mon, you can’t seriously be that stupid? Like, honestly?

Anyways - I’m sure this will be one of those posts that I’ll probably end up taking down (’cause teacher’s dont’ swear, remember?)

On top of that, tonight in the computer lab i found out my dad and his wife are selling everything but the business, including their brand-new house, his motorcycle, cars, etc…

I feel like I’m losing control. Does a camel know when the last straw is placed?

Seriously, I came up to my room, closed the door, talked to martin for a few and then hung up… and lost it. Weeping on the floor like a big, giant baby. I wanted my ma-man! All of my pent-up emotions came flowing out…

Struggling, with others

This is a non-weight related entry, FYI :)

Today was a struggle. The past few days have been — I haven’t decompressed from the old job yet, I’m not on the “school mode” that I need to be. I’m feeling discombobulated. (Go ahead, it’s a big fancy word, go find out about it here… I’ll wait! Haha - actually, EVERYONE used this word where I just left at the nukie place, ’cause it made them feel big and important and most of all, S-M-R-T!

Anyways -I’m feel out of sorts. I even just sort of spontaneously cried on my bed a few minutes ago for about 10 seconds. A few of us are feeling this way…. wish I knew what I could do to speed up this process of integration.

My roomie Carol came in and said, “It’s like most of us are forced to be here… but we’re here willingly, so we’re conflicted.”

Amen my ‘nish sistah, haha! :)

*sigh*

In some positive news, I did just get to speak to my baby Uma on the phone… our new cordless (our other one died after four years) has speaker phone… and I got to talk to her and she replied and well, nothing makes you feel more warm and snuggly than talkin’ to your baby — two legged or four legged!
Things’ll get better. I have to go now though, homework beacons me and a shitload of it. It’s going to be one of those “get to bed at 3 am nights”… it’s 11:00 now…. later darlings!

Day one down, lots more to go!

I made it through the first day of classes… one course, three assignments already so just imagine what happens when the other courses start!

Things’ll probably be quiet around here for a little while, depending on the lulls and how fast I get crackin’ on my assignments. I plan on keeping on top of them this year (I did last year but - I’m going to be even more so this year!) so that I can try and go home on the weekends. I don’t know if I’ll go home this weekend though, depends I guess… I may try to get a head-start on a few other things that are coming up, which I’ll explain when I get closer to the dates. I’m trying to not spazz/freak myself out too much thinking about it so I’m only going to worry about it as we get closer to the date!

Good news however, after eight months of freakin’ waiting, I received my teaching certificate today! That means now I can finally start TEACHING for real in September, with real paycheques and all if I am fortunate enough to find a job…. OMG, pray for me on that would you? We need the money to pay the bills of my school from the last three years or so…

And, can you believe I’ll be done my bachelor of ed in just a few short months? I’ve got to say, I’ve done well considering… considering everything that has gone on the past couple of years… I’m proud of me, for once I can really say it and mean it :)

Thanks everyone for your help… and steph? Today I thanked you in my class… during our circle (a traditional aboriginal thing, where you sit around and sit equal to everyone in the circle and share things… it’s um, very simple and something you do in kindergarten but why mess up a good thing when you got it! we still do it as adults…)

Anyways - today, I opened up and said, “I would like to say only two things… first off, I’m grateful that both me and C (another girl in my class) did not have to go through a deployment that we were both supposed to… to have done this course and do a deployment at the same time? It would have been incredibly difficult and stressful… so I’m grateful that everything worked out so well that we can focus squarely on this degree… and secondly, I’m grateful to all of my friends who pushed me to come back this year… because I really wasn’t going to come back. But, I’m grateful for the emails and phone calls — especially from sioux lookout! — of my friend who really encouraged me to continue on, even when I had fully made the decision to quit…”

You were applaud for your efforts today steph, just thought you’d like to know!
:D

I really do have the greatest friends… you too stressie! you’ll get to listen to me over the next six weeks… but it’s totally worth it to have lunch every day with the most awesomest person in the world, eh? hehehe…. okay, time for bed, it’s 11:30… busy times ahead for me…. must get my beauty sleep!

I survived!

Believe it or not, I actually survived the last six months! Those were clearly the longest six months of my whole bloody damn life. Honest to God. And, I am so greatful I had that chat with my boss yesterday because it made me realise that I wasn’t the wacked out one and that I really truly did all I could. The day ended today with the other summer student crying and panicking over something thats going to happen next week. I sat the poor lassie down and said, “Listen… don’t be so hard on yourself. You are not getting paid the salary of someone who is expected to fulfill these duties… you really ARE just the student and you are not getting paid to take on this burden and to cry because, Lord knows I’ve been there. You do NOT need to worry about making a ‘bad impression’ because you spoke up now and told your boss (our boss) that you did not feel comfortable taking on a huge meeting all by yourself… do not feel that these people would give you a bad recommendation because you stood up for yourself and admitted you need help! It’s better to man up, and tell them you aren’t comfortable now than to wait until the big meeting, and then flounder because you are beyond your capabilties right now… this is something someone does who has been here for a year or two! Not two months! So, no worries! Our boss will not think any less of you because of this… in fact, she will respect you even MORE because you AREN’T allowing yourself to flounder in a meeting, and making a fool of yourself and of the department….” She stopped crying, felt better and I’m so glad. All day I noticed she was on the verge of tears and I’m glad she just let it go because I know she would have festered and worried about it all weekend….

After the poor girl went home, I had a quick chat with my boss before I left the company for good today. I asked her to keep an eye on her next week and let her know what the student’s concerns were (about failing, about looking like she’s not capable and afraid to let them know she wasn’t comfy with it…)

And you know what the boss said to me? Exactly what I told the student. Sometimes I’m so good at this game that I scare myself. Bloody hell!

So I survived this job. I have two good references despite everything that went down, and in August when I get back from school my boss and myself are going to go out for dinner and drinks and from there, I can begin to plot my future. From the sounds of it, I am imagining there’s something in the works that I’m not yet aware of but in a few months I am imagining whatever it is that’s up her sleeve, could very well be in place. I am picturing that the “perfect job” I applied for (and that still hasn’t been filled) is being held for me (as I was to call the guy in October after my placement) and that my (now ex!) boss is going to be needing a web-designer because seriously, the person I was to train didn’t quite work out as well as she had hoped…. and, part of the first ‘perfect job’ is somewhat based on teaching/educating the public and local groups and schools… so I’m not entirely out of my league with the teaching thing. So….. ya know what I mean?

So, anyways - I left there today, handed my ID card, my r@diation metre and all of those other goodies one does at the end of a job… and walked to my car, up that freakin’ hill of death which after six months still was not any easier walking up…. and drove off into the light! (Er, not the death light but - the west!)

I got home. Opened my car door. Was greeted by my dog. And I breathed a big sigh of relief… and I was so glad to be home and ready to start the next chapter of my life. I have no idea what the future holds… if it will be in a position at the old job, the ‘perfect job’ or — in another place altogether either in a school or what!

The future is wide open for me. And I think very soon I will be at a place in my life, where things will feel much more at ease… much more comfortable… much more… me!

Thanks for sharing your reunion stories! I’m heading up north tomorrow but likely will not participate in the festivities as I will probably spend most of the day packing my things for class, driving north and unpacking… and then? And then going to the cottage to enjoy myself for the last couple of days before class!

Pictures will come, I promise!

Where does time fly?

It seems like yesterday when I last left the university on my course last year. Then I took a bunch of classes, worked a lot, did my placement, had a moment lapse of madness while dealing with the most bizarre woman (and I use that term loosely!) in the wrold and then suddenly, work, ends for me in less than 24 hours and I’m on a whirlwind of change and believe me, I wish it’d slow down just a tad…

I’ve barely slept all week and finally last night, just said to hell with it and took a sleeping pill ’cause, seriously? Between last Saturday and last night, I had maybe eight hours of sleep in total. Driving to work Wednesday morning I felt dizzy and exhausted, like I was sleepwalking or something! But, this morning I had probably a good six hours of sleep under my belt and woke up feeling somewhat more refreshed.

Today our air-conditioning went in and OHMYFREAKIN’GOD, how on earth did I live without it for so long? And it wasn’t even really hot today even! Best money we ever spent, I swear!

We also *ahem* went to the Brick tonight and got this sweet couch set we’ve wanted for a long time… it was on half-price and it fits my body (usually my legs end up dangling on any piece of furniture I have and my back kills ’cause there’s no support) but - this sweet little puppy I found several weeks ago, came on sale. So we went and got it… and it should arrive here July 17 (next available shipping date for living in the freakin’ boonies, not only do we have to pay EXTRA for delivery, we also get to wait a fortnight for it! Bluddy ‘ell!)

FINALLY, one last little thing… we bought a solar-blanket a few weeks ago off of the internet, it arrived, we stuck it on and OMG, again! How did we live so long without one? Last year the hottest our pool got ALL summer was maybe 79f and that would have been on a day where it was 35c?

WELL, the other day (after several cool days!) the temperatures were around 24c? And the pool????? Was at 78f! Which means, when we get the REALLY warm weather, we’ll actually be able to go into our pool! I LOVE INTERNET DEALS!  And I LOVE warm outdoor swimming pools! (I don’t enjoy warm ones inside so much)…

Speaking of swimming… I got my swimsuit ready, my swim pass for up north and I just need to get the schedule out… I can’t wait to go back up north and enjoy my old pool… I’ve resolved to go the three days a week I know it’s open in the evenings… so that I can have time to myself and start taking better care of my self… mentally and physically.

AND… my dears? I have some interesting news! Remember a few weeks ago when I had to deal with the most difficult woman EVER in the entire world? WELL… I had a talk with her boss today… and let’s just say, everything that I felt was wrong? Really WAS wrong and she said that nothing that happened was MY fault, that she and my other boss are WAY MORE THAN WILLING to give me EXCELLENT letters of reference for any job — including other ones at the plant, if I decide to apply for any that come up. And? I suspect she may even go to this guy that I applied for a job to earlier (the one that was the perfect job? The one that paid 40% more than my old job I got injured at? yea, THAT job) and highly recommend me for the job. There’s a temporary hiring freeze and I know he still hasn’t hired for it… but, I’d have my own office, my own agenda, my own a lot of things, and the guy really seems like a friendly and fair boss. And? I wouldn’t have to deal with the most ANNOYING PERSON IN THE WORLD  :P

Anyways… I’m tired… I’m going to bed and trying my best to fall asleep. It’s the last day of my job tomorrow… and, I think it’s going to be really busy and I think that someone is going to be shitting her pants next week when I’m not there to hold her hand through her new job. But? Not my problem as of 4:25 tomorrow night!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!

Short on time

Things’ll be quiet around here the next week or so. The crunch is coming down at trying to get things ready for school, finishing up my job and the projects there, and well… other things that I just can’t remember ’cause my brain is already fried!

This upcoming weekend I am moving back north for six weeks — and it also marks the 50th anniversary reunion of our high-school. Fifty years of Chippewa R@iders, under one rockin’ roof! We have smaller classes up here so it isn’t like american reunions where schools have them every five or ten years! My bro is going up but I don’t know if it is something I want to go to or not. I’m 100 pounds heavier than when I left and so much has happened… I know I would totally be depressed if I go there and so and so has 10 kids and a family and so and so are rich… etc, etc. I would just end up leaving a failure….

But isn’t failure determined on what we deem as success? And *success* to one person may not be *success* to another?

Some may say I’m a success — to others a failure — and to others, they’d probably not even remember me :P hahaha…

Did you guys go to your reunions? If not and one is planned, are you going to go?

Does it provide you with anything? (Closure, opportunities, etc????)

Share with me, if you don’t mind… inquiring minds would like to know!

Quickie update

Things have been a bit stressed/crazy around here the past few days. Dealing with workplace issues (got that straightened out today) and on the weekend my dad suffered a heart-attack or two and a stroke or two. Stubborn ass he is, refused any medical treatment so he’s at home. Long story short, I don’t agree with it but whatever… his life — or death — his choice.

It pisses me off to see someone like my grandfather slowly dying of heart-failure, each day being a total gift and totally accepting of any test or procedure to prolong his life… and then my dad, who refuses anything from the docs including request for tests, etc… he mustn’t value his life the same way my grandpa does.

Me? I’d do anything for one more day…. one day can mean the difference between dying in misery or dying with contentment. It can be a day to say good-byes. We’re not all afforded such gifts and to turn one away because your’e a stubborn old arse, is infuriating.

Let me just say — that for the first time in my entire life — I yelled and got pissed off at my dad. He conceded to my request (a visit to the hospital the third time to get a test result), which apparantely was a huge thing according to my sister. Whatever, I said to her, I spent 15 years not saying a word to him — I could have easily gone another 15 if he refused to go.

Not sure what the latest word is. I’m so effin’ worn out, I’m stressing about school starting next week, getting assignments done, finishing up a major project at work and this too…

God grant me peace, please!

Anyways - I saw something today that made me smile. Maybe it will make you too…

No matter how bad your day may seem, how bad your life may feel… be positive. Embrace this life of ours, God has only given us one chance — so let’s do it justice and do it right!

Shhh….

Don’t tell on me but I am in the process of buying myself a very (expensive) nice gift…

Go take a quick look!

http://www.adobe.com/products/creativesuite/mastercollection/

Obviously I don’t have $2500 USD kicking around… but — thankfully I still qualify for the education pricing! And, being the anal retentive person I am, I know when I’m actually teaching — that I’m going to really want to design my own assignments, etc., especially if it is something that doesn’t exist… if I create my own curriculum. I know I did this several times in my last placement so I definitely know I would do it more often when I’m a full-fledged teacher! Also, with my wrist thing, doing things manually is a royal pain in the ass so this is good way to work through that part of my disability. *phew*

So, now I am just waiting for adobe to verify I really am a student (believe me, I am!)… money still doesn’t grow on trees around here but I know that it’s probably going to be the best $1000 I’ve ever spent on programs….  to give you an idea of how much that puppy really is worth… (and, BTW, I own all these programs legally already, I just wanted to get the updates!)….

These programs come with it… Adobe InDesign® CS3 ($700), Photoshop® CS3 Extended ($1000), Illustrator® CS3 ($600), new Acrobat® 9 Pro ($450), Flash® CS3 Professional ($700), Dreamweaver® CS3($400), Fireworks® CS3($300), Contribute® CS3($170), After Effects® CS3 Professional ($1000), Adobe Premiere® Pro CS3 (($800), Soundbooth® CS3, and Encore® CS3, and also includes Adobe Bridge CS3, Version Cue® CS3, Device Central CS3, Dynamic Link, Adobe OnLocation™ CS3 (Windows® only), and Ultra® CS3 (Windows only).

OMG, I didnt’ even list all of the prices for you… as you can imagine, it’s well over $5000 worth of software… and I know just for school purposes alone, I could use several of them, especially in designing my own posters for the classroom and things like that.

Lemme tell you something… Adobe is very wise… allowing students (like me) to pay for software at a price like this? It pays them off BIG time in the future.

For example, almost seven years ago I was sent a free copy of Indesign from one of the program designers at the time. I tried it out, loved it and was THE FIRST designer in northern ontario to use it… and one of the first in Ontario to use it. Some assholes shunned it, especially printers (who printed our books, etc.) but - I incorporated it into my old workplace. Thankfully my printer I loved the mostest, bought a copy too… so they could print our stuff… and, within a year, that one free software gift to me, netted Adobe at least 10 sales alone, or maybe even more. Also within that year? My printer made a killing being one of the few printers to jump on the bandwagon early so they earned a lot of new customers that year. And… the assholes who shunned it? *snicker snicker*  Guess what they ended up ‘converting’ to? Uh huh.

I felt like a pioneer :D

So… I firmly believe in the power of cheap (or free) software because I know it works out to benefit both me (in being able to learn a product) and Adobe — because when I get a job, I’m able to convince my new employers to purchase the program. I really should get some commissions from all the sales I’ve done over the years :P

So, fingers crossed! I hope I get approved and get my software before classes begin! I’d be so excited :D

UPDATE! I’ve been approved! Yahoo! Now I just have to wait for the product to be shipped to me! Hope it arrives before school starts!

Chasing Rainbows

When I was a kid, my dad wrote a song called Chasing Rainbows…. it came to me a few times this month, the first on my birthday. It was raining like crazy, we were just hanging around in the restaurant and then all of a sudden, out in the dark clouds a streak of sun belted across the sky and left a beautiful, rich rainbow spread across the sky.

I hadn’t heard my dad’s song at that point, for nearly twenty years. But, it just came to me…. my birthday couldn’t have been more better. Here I was, sitting enjoying a very fine meal, a wonderful conversation with martin — the love of my life — staring out at the beautiful mountains through the rain, and then having the most wonderful, vibrant rainbow I ever saw in my entire life appear before me!

I sat there, looked out and just embraced that moment for quite a long time. I have no idea why I didn’t even write about this sooner — maybe because the time wasn’t quite right.

I’ve been trying really hard these days to look back to the intuition I once had. I used to pay attention to details, and pick up on the most subtle of changes and I would really heed the call to whatever it was I was to do.

When I got hurt five years ago (FIVE years ago, my how the time seems to have gone so slow and so fast, all at once!) I really lost a huge part of me…. well, a few parts really, if you want to get technical! But - a part of my soul was lost and a part of my intuitive side was removed.

There was a time when I enjoyed each and every day God gave me… but after I was hurt, I had literally hundreds of appointments, hundreds — if not a thousand or more hours — spent trying to get better… spent trying to still do my job… spent doing things I did NOT want to be doing.

Soon i was a harried person — my mind fleeting — my emotions numb. I lost the joy I had in life because I spent so many hours chasing rainbows… chasing that idea that if i just do one more thing that perhaps it would be that one last thing I needed to get better… to feel better… to get back to normal.

That one last thing was ever-elusive…. and you know what happens when you can’t find something? You reach that point of desperation! “Now, where on EARTH did I put that such and such? I’ve literally turned my entire house over! I CAN’T FIND IT! LORD GOD ALMIGHTY HELP ME FIND IT!” Finally, you sit down in the middle of the livingroom or wherever it is you have finally given up and exclaim outloud,

“GOD! Please, please, please help me find what I am looking for….”

It’s the point where you have done everything absolutely, humanly possible, to do what you could to find whatever it was you were looking for and it’s the part where you finally release yourself to a higher power and must rely on it to find your way…

More often than not, when I’m at the point of desperation, the point of calling out to God for help — is when I am helped the most. As Alanis Morrissette wrote, “The moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle”….

So, after five years… I’ve learned to slow down. I’ve learned that there’s no point in searching for that elusive pot of gold… the single answer that would bring me to a miraculous healing! I’ve learned it isn’t going to happen… but I’ve learned also, that while my health was taken from me, there is more out there in life that I am still able to enjoy.

Like the rainbow… the one I didn’t have to chase, that just appeared to me. And I embraced it.

I must have looked like a big goof, ’cause martin kind of snickered. “You’re that happy over a rainbow?”

“Um, yea! It’s perfect! A perfect way to end a day, don’t you think? It’s like it was meant for me!”

Anyways - fast forward a few weeks to yesterday… it was a windy day, full of bugs outside and I wanted desperately to get my vegetable garden seeds planted. We didn’t get to till the garden like I wanted but - for some reason, this voice inside my head (not paranoia, I repeat, NOT paranoia!) kept telling me to plant them. I don’t know why but despite the garden not being ready, I felt yesterday was the day to do it… so, bugs swarming me, freezing cold wind and my little garden hoe, I was out there trying to find what barren soil I had to stir up the dirt and just quickly threw in my seeds… one packet of green onions, one of green beans, one of yellow beans, a packet of lettuce, cucumbers, zucchinni and Lord knows what else! I was being eaten alive and just dreaded the thought that I still needed to water those bloody things… but, i managed to also throw around some flower seeds as well. I remembered that I wanted to plant some wildflowers and poppies over the grave of Pugsy too. So, I ran to the back, tossed them around and thought, there is NO way I can get the hose back this far… but, I knew… instinctively, God would take care of it. As soon as I got up from laying down the seeds?

It began to rain.

Sweet, sweet rain. Glorious, sweet rain!

So, me smiling, I walk towards the vegetable garden area to pack up my belongings… and looked up.

An amazing, amazing rainbow appeared over me. Glorious, amazing rainbow!

I sat and wondered for a few moments, A) How many bug bites did I get doing this? B) What on earth am I going to do with all of these vegetables if they actually grow? And C) How lucky am I?

The answer is A) none! not a single bug bite despite being swarmed for almost an hour… B) Last year a lot of the students in my class didn’t have enough food to eat — myself included some days — and if I have vegetables arriving near the end of my course, I will bring them back up one weekend to share. It was the last two weeks which were the hardest on everyone and that’s when at least half of my crop should be ready…. and finally? C) Very lucky!

Two rainbows in a month — when I haven’t seen one in ages… maybe even years! The age of thirty…. the year of two degrees… the time is finally arriving that I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for…

It’s my time.

Hello Insomnia, my old friend!

It’s 4:30 am and I still haven’t gone to bed yet, I can’t sleep for some reason. Not sure why though I suspect it has something to do with the three or four hours of sleep I had on the couch Saturday afternoon after we planted about 15 trees in our yard. They weren’t small trees either! We had hoped for a day of rain to plant them in but after an hour, the sun had come out and roasted us alive in our skin. I didn’t get too burnt but Martin (who took his shirt off!) got a bit of a burn.

I know activities like that aren’t excercise per se but - when you are carting around wheelbarrows of soil, shovelling, digging, dragging trees around and sweating like a freakin’ pig, I classify that as exercise :P

Thanks everyone for writing the other day. I really hadn’t meant for my post to be depressing or anything like that but I just had to write through the emotions. Sometimes writing things down can just relieve yourself of the pressure and stress you feel.

I’m starting to get a bit anxious about the upcoming school session. This year at least, the worries aren’t so much financial but just having to leave home again to go to school. I feel I am just ‘catching up’ after having been gone for six months last year… and the thought of leaving my home and my bed and our soon-to-be-installed air-conditioning is enough to make me weep. Well….. not weep exactly but enough to make me wish I didn’t have to leave home to go do. We weren’t going to plant the vegetable garden this year as I had hoped we could have because I’d be gone all summer mostly (except for the weekends) but then this past afternoon, i decided to screw it! I don’t have time to till the ground or get the proper soil and stuff but I thought, i have the seeds, I may as well at least just try and plant them and see what comes up! So, inbetween flowers and in around some rocks and other weird, miscellaneous things, I’ve planted some seeds… and will just cross my fingers some come up! I put in some tomatoes, some yellow and green beans, some cucumbers… and today I’ll finish planting some zuchinni, green onions, carrots… mmmmmmm, carrots :) And in our planter boxes, we’re going to plant some lettuce!  So, it’ll be interesting to see what pops up and next year, we’ll have a proper garden….

Anyways - i’m going to go try and fall asleep now but - catch you later! You can see the pics of the improvements we’ve done this week on the yard at www.obvious-child.com. Ciao!